It started just fixing Ponderosa way

Posted on March 26, 2013

by Don Urbanus /The Calaveras Enterprise

It all started when the Board of Supervisors attempted to get $200,000 of Proposition 84 money for restoration of Ponderosa Way, a road that would provide access to the Mokelumne River. Concerned citizens stood up and complained that the board would be subjecting the county and its residents to the United Nations authority.

The resolution barely passed with three votes, one opposed, and one courageous abstention. All this was duly noted by Commander Blick, a secret United Nations operative who was reading other impassioned pleas against sustainability, climate change and socialism from little Calaveras County. It was time he did something about them. Show them who really ruled the world. He picked up his phone, punched some numbers and spoke.

“Implement Agenda 21.”

The Commander smirked. He had read Glenn Beck’s book “Agenda 21” with its dystopian world view. In fact, it was sitting on his desk. What did it matter that some people complained that actually it was a fictional story written by Harriet Parke and that Mr. Beck purchased the right to call himself the author. Just small facts by small minds. By following the U.N.’s insidious world view of sustainability, they would control the entire world!

By making things sustainable, the United Nations would force people to live closer together so they could be more easily controlled. By growing food more sustainably, they would force multi-national agricultural corporations to collapse so that people would be dependent on local agriculture.

Combating poverty and promoting health was just another way to subdue the populace. Fat and happy people don’t rebel. By making people more reliant on themselves, they would be less reliant on governments. Governments would weaken and the United Nations would step in to guide them into a one world government.

Commander Blick grinned with delight. What a devious plot! By combating deforestation, protecting fragile environments, conservation of biological diversity, control of pollution and the management of biotechnology, and radioactive wastes the U.N. would force people to be dependent because they wouldn’t want to go back to the way it was before.

By promoting education, they would make people slaves to science. By using scientific facts, people could be duped into believing almost anything. In the most giant conspiracy of all, the U.N. had convinced 97 percent of all scientists to toe the line on the subject of global warming just by the fact that carbon dioxide, a driving force in climate change, had gone up 40 percent since the Industrial Revolution and was at the highest level in 800,000 years. How easily scientists could be manipulated!

Sure, sure, Agenda 21 was a non-binding, voluntary plan, but it was being implemented by almost all of the 193 countries that belonged to the U.N. The United States was the country that Blick most wanted to control and the fact that they voluntarily gave more money than anyone, about a fifth of all U.N. funding, sent Blick almost into a state of ecstasy. It was all so delicious.

But now, little Calaveras was making trouble. Blick decided he would have to deal with them and force all the residents of Calaveras under U.N. authority. How? By making them build sustainable bridges. By putting the words “smart growth” into the General Plan. By changing consumption patterns, promoting health, achieving a more sustainable population, and sustainable decision making they would first control Calaveras, then California, then the Unite d States and soon the entire world!

That Agenda 21 stood for the 21st century, Blick didn’t know or care. That it was a 300-page document divided into 40 chapters grouped into four sections about social and economic topics, conservation and management of resources and means of implementation actually bored Blick. Who reads all those stupid documents anyway?

Blick scoffed at the report that the World Bank, an organization founded on free market principles, claimed that carbon emissions “represent a near and present danger to civilization.” No, no. Environmental policies initiated by the United Nations were actually a diabolical plot to create a socialist world government.

Commander Blick looked at a map of California and smashed his thumb down on the outline of Calaveras. Yes, time to implement Agenda 21. And it would all start by fixing Ponderosa Way in little Calaveras County.

Don Urbanus is a Burson business owner. Contact him at risingsun@caltel.com.